The first time I asked for a raise, I completely bombed it. Like, spectacularly. I basically walked into my manager’s office and said something like “I’ve been here two years and I feel like I deserve more money.”
That was it. That was my entire pitch. “I feel like I deserve more money.”
My manager was nice about it but basically said there wasn’t room in the budget and maybe we could revisit it next quarter. Which of course never happened because I was too embarrassed to bring it up again. I spent the next six months being bitter about it while doing absolutely nothing to change the situation.
Classic Aarav move, honestly.
But here’s the thing – a year later, I asked again. And that time I got 18%. Not 3%, not “a modest cost of living adjustment” – eighteen percent. Same company, same manager, completely different outcome. The difference was entirely in how I approached it.
What I Did Wrong The First Time
Looking back, my first attempt was a masterclass in how not to negotiate. Let me count the ways I screwed up:
I made it about feelings. “I feel like I deserve more” is not an argument. It’s a statement about my emotional state. My manager doesn’t care about my feelings (well, hopefully she cares a little, but not when it comes to budget decisions). She cares about whether giving me more money makes sense for the company.
I had zero data. I couldn’t point to specific things I’d accomplished. I couldn’t compare my salary to market rates. I just had this vague sense that I should be earning more, based on… nothing concrete.
I didn’t prepare. I literally decided to ask for a raise that morning because I was frustrated about something unrelated and thought “you know what, I’m underpaid.” So I marched in there with no plan and got predictably shut down.
I picked terrible timing. It was like two weeks before the end of the fiscal year, when budget decisions had already been made months ago. Even if she’d wanted to give me a raise right then, it probably wasn’t even possible.
Basically I approached maybe the most important financial conversation of my year with less preparation than I’d put into ordering dinner. No wonder it didn’t work.
The Three Months Before My Second Ask
The second time around, I started preparing about three months in advance. That might sound like overkill but honestly it was probably the minimum for doing this right.
First thing I did was start a “wins” document. Just a Google Doc where I wrote down every notable thing I accomplished at work. Finished a project early? In the doc. Got positive feedback from a client? In the doc. Helped solve a problem that wasn’t technically my job? In the doc. I tried to add something at least once a week.
This felt kind of awkward at first, like I was being arrogant writing down all my accomplishments. But here’s the thing – if you don’t track this stuff, you’ll forget it. And when you’re sitting in that room trying to justify a raise, you need concrete examples, not vague memories of “I think I did good work this year?”
Asking for a raise is a business negotiation, not a personal favor. Photo via Unsplash.
Second, I researched what people in my role were actually making. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has salary data by occupation and location, which was a good starting point. I also looked at Glassdoor, LinkedIn Salary, and talked to a couple people I knew in similar roles at other companies (not asking their exact salary, just getting a sense of the range).
What I found out was that I was making about 15% below the median for my role in my city. Not massively underpaid, but definitely on the lower end. This gave me actual numbers to work with instead of just “I feel underpaid.”
Third, I paid attention to timing. I knew our company did budget planning in Q4 for the next year, which meant the best time to have this conversation was probably September or early October – late enough that I’d have the year’s accomplishments to point to, but early enough to actually influence budget decisions.
The Actual Conversation
Alright, here’s more or less what I actually said. I’m reconstructing from memory so it’s not word-for-word, but this is the gist:
“Hey [manager], I wanted to talk about my compensation. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and did some research, and I’d like to discuss a salary adjustment.”
(Starting with “I’d like to discuss” rather than “I want a raise” – sounds more collaborative, less demanding)
“Over the past year, I’ve taken on some significant responsibilities. The [big project] that I led came in two weeks early and under budget. I’ve been mentoring [junior employee] and their performance reviews have improved. I also took over the [other thing] when [coworker] left and kept it running smoothly during the transition.”
(Specific examples, not vague claims. Each of these was in my wins doc with more details I could go into if needed.)
“I looked at market data for our area and similar roles are typically compensated in the range of [X to Y]. I’m currently at [my salary], which puts me below the median. Given my contributions and the market data, I’d like to discuss moving my salary to [target number].”
(Notice I said a specific number, not “more money.” The number I asked for was about 20% more than I was making – slightly higher than my actual goal of 15-18%, because I assumed there’d be some negotiation.)
Then I stopped talking. This is crucial. After you make your ask, shut up and let them respond. The silence feels uncomfortable but it gives them space to actually consider what you’ve said.
My manager didn’t say yes immediately – she said she’d need to look at the budget and talk to her boss, which is normal. We scheduled a follow-up for the next week. And at that follow-up, she came back with 18% – not quite the 20% I’d asked for, but way more than I would’ve gotten if I’d asked the same way I did the first time.
The Things That Made The Difference
Looking back, a few things made this conversation so much more successful than my first attempt:
I framed it as a business discussion, not a personal request. I wasn’t asking for a favor. I was presenting a case for why adjusting my salary made sense for the company – they get to keep a good employee who’s been performing well, and they’re paying market rate for that performance.
I came with evidence. Specific accomplishments. Market data. Numbers. This showed I’d done my homework and wasn’t just winging it based on feelings.
I named a number. A lot of advice says to let the employer name a number first, but in salary negotiations for an existing job (not a new hire situation), I think it’s better to anchor high. If I’d just said “I want more money” without specifying, they might have offered 5% and called it generous.
I picked the right time. During budget planning season, when raises were actually being decided. Not randomly when I was frustrated.
I made it easy for my manager to say yes. She had to go advocate for me to HER boss. By giving her specific accomplishments and market data, I was basically handing her the talking points she needed to make the case on my behalf.
What If They Say No?
Sometimes you do everything right and still don’t get the raise. That happened to a friend of mine who used a similar approach – great preparation, solid evidence, good timing – and her company just… said no. Budget constraints, they claimed.
If that happens, you have some options. You can ask what you’d need to do or accomplish to get that raise in the future – get them to commit to specific goals. You can negotiate for non-salary stuff like more PTO, flexible schedule, or professional development budget. Or you can start looking for a new job, because sometimes the only way to get a meaningful raise is to leave.
What you shouldn’t do is get bitter and just accept it. That was my mistake after my first failed attempt. I stewed in resentment instead of figuring out what went wrong and trying again.
Also – and this is important – don’t make it personal. If you ask for a raise and don’t get it, that doesn’t mean your manager is evil or the company hates you. Budget constraints are real. Timing matters. Sometimes the answer is “not right now” rather than “never.” Stay professional, keep performing well, and try again when circumstances change.
The Script Template
Alright, I know some of you just want the template. Here’s a simplified version you can adapt:
“I wanted to discuss my compensation. Over the past [time period], I’ve [list 2-3 specific accomplishments with measurable results]. Based on my research, the market rate for this role in our area is [range]. Given my contributions and the market data, I’d like to discuss adjusting my salary to [specific number].”
Then stop talking and wait for their response.
That’s really it. The hard part isn’t the script – it’s the preparation that comes before it. Tracking your wins, doing the market research, picking the right time. The actual conversation is the easy part if you’ve done the work.
One More Thing
I want to address something that held me back for a long time, which is the fear of seeming greedy or ungrateful. I spent years not asking for raises because I felt like I should just be grateful to have a job, you know? Like asking for more money was somehow rude or presumptuous.
Here’s what finally shifted my thinking: companies have no problem asking employees for more. More hours, more projects, more responsibility. That’s just business – they’re trying to get maximum value. Asking for appropriate compensation is the same thing from the employee side. It’s not greedy to want to be paid fairly for the value you provide.
If you’re good at your job and you’re being paid below market, advocating for yourself isn’t greedy – it’s correcting an imbalance. Companies expect employees to negotiate. The ones who don’t negotiate just… get paid less. That’s the system.
So yeah. That 18% raise I got? It translated to about $9,000 more per year. Times every year I’ll work going forward. Plus whatever raises I get in the future are now calculated from a higher base. That one uncomfortable conversation was probably worth hundreds of thousands of dollars over my career.
The uncomfortable conversation is worth having.
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